It feels so good to get back to writing! I’ve been MIA for a few weeks now due to illness but I’m back and ready to go!
I have been wanting to write about this topic for a while now. It is so important to me that I learn to love myself today, just as I am. Not just for myself, but for my son as well, so he knows how to love himself too. Loving yourself today is way more complicated than it sounds. First of all, it starts with loving words and not tearing yourself apart. I recently saw a photograph on Instagram and it said “You’re a bad mom”. I was taken back at first but then when I read the caption, it was eye opening. This is what we say to ourselves, but when you see it said to others, WOW. I thought it was terribly rude and would never THINK to say that to someone, so why in the world do I say these things to myself?
Sometimes, we need to set ourselves up for success when it comes to loving and saying kind things to ourselves. Recently, I tackled one piece of my ‘Loving myself today” project that did just that. I went to my closet and threw out 3/4 of my wardrobe! I am not exaggerating either. Why would I do this you ask? The reason is because I was stuck living in about 3 – 5 pieces that didn’t fit right, had holes, or were weathered and old. Everything else? I was just waiting to fit in again since my son was born… in June of 2016! Listen, I’m all for giving yourself time to get your body back to where it used to be but that’s not what I was doing. My life had changed, for the better, but it had changed a lot. I was no longer the 6 day a week gym go-er, who spent over 2 hours a night there. My foods had changed a lot too. I also, was tired, sooooooo tired. My son is almost 2 and he still may not always sleep through the night. Your body needs sleep to work right and I just wasn’t getting what I needed. I was comfortable with how my life had changed, but was not forgiving of myself for not being a fit size 6 anymore. I didn’t want to buy new clothes because I didn’t want to dress this new body, and by keeping what I had in the closet, I couldn’t justify buying anything new either. So I was stuck in this new body and lifestyle with nothing to wear, which made me feel gross and terrible often. It’s as if I was telling myself, “you’ll be worthy of new clothes and being beautiful when you are smaller. People your size are not worthy.” What is that? Who says that to themselves?
Feeling this way started to take a toll on my relationships too. No one wants to hear you talk bad about yourself. My fiancé, especially, did not want to hear it. He thought and still thinks, that I am beautiful. Hearing what I would say to myself out loud upset him, and on top of that, it would ruin mornings because I was so depressed getting dressed to leave the house. I didn’t dress to feel good because I refused to buy things I felt good in. Kind of crazy huh??
Finally, I came to a moment where I said enough. I rallied the help of friends and family and we cleared out my closet. Anything that I did not fit into, was no longer in style, or was falling a part had to go. I had a junk pile and a donate pile. The friends and family were key because I am pretty sure I could have talked myself into keeping almost all of it. I had so many clothes (single with no kids… back then I was a shopper) that I had 3 closets in the house. I am now down to only needing 1! Just having the stuff/clutter gone felt so good. I also learned what items I actually needed. I had so much in there, I didn’t even know what I had. I’ve accumulated a lot of over the years. Why I kept party tops from circa 2005?!? Your guess is as good as mine.
Now comes the best part. I went to one of my favorite boutiques, Willa June Apparel + Home and shopped. I wasn’t going on a shopping spree. I was going for the right pieces, that were versatile and fit right. Most of all, I was looking for pieces that helped me feel great, just as I was. I found what I was looking for and more. I ended up buying, over about a months time, 7- 10 new items to add to my closet. I slowly but surely improved my attitude about myself. This 1 simple step impacted my life in many areas. It’s not just about being in control of your thoughts when it comes to feeling great, you also need to be in control of your environment and set yourself up for success.
When I would wake up and say “today is going to be a great day” and then get dressed in over stretched close with holes that didn’t fit, I was setting myself up for failure. After my purge, and with the help of a few key new items, I changed a lot. Getting ready to go out for the day was no longer depressing and didn’t include tears. The better I felt, the better I started eating. When I was feeling better physically because of the food I was eating, I was more motivated to get back to the gym. Next thing I knew, I was back at the gym 3x a week and feeling great. My life was still very different and I was still not going to fit into those old close again. If I ever do, they would probably be out of style anyway. However, I was feeling more like me again in this new life I was given with my amazing son and that was amazing. Now, I love myself today, just as I am.
Don’t get me wrong. There are still days that my self esteem is low and I don’t think positive thoughts about myself. Since we’ve started working on B : those days are less and less, but when they do come around, I take them and access them and then attack them; setting up my environment to have a better day. If you are feeling the same way or have felt the same way, what other tricks do you have?
Do what you can and within your means. If you don’t have a lot of extra funds, you can spread the purchases out over time OR a favorite of mine is a clothing swap! Bring a ton of your friends together with old clothes they don’t wear anymore. It’s a great way to add a few new pieces without breaking the bank and you can donate whatever others don’t take. Whatever it is you decide to do, be sure it’s a relief for you, not a project that adds more stress to your life. And take a good friend with you, it makes it more fun!
Love,
Jess
PS. If you haven’t been to this boutique, you must stop by! They have online shopping too for all of you out of the area!
